Here We Go......AGAIN!

Talking to my boyfriend yesterday, I realized that since we have been together I have gained lots of weight 3 separate times...when I met him I weighed 207 pounds (which is the smallest I've been in awhile) and I got comfortable and shot up to 270 (yikes)...then I decided to go on a diet, I did the Medifast diet, and I did very well and lost a lot of weight.  I think I got down to 210.  Then I got comfortable again and resorted back to my old habits and gained 50 pounds back!  So I was at 260 when I decided I wanted to do Medifast again.  I started out with Medifast, and ended up switching to the Atkins products, because they were cheaper and tasted better...and this time I got down to 210 again.  So I was feeling pretty damn good about myself.  Then again...I let myself go and gained 50 pounds AGAIN!!  And now here I am.  Disgusted with myself.  Knowing I am putting my body through HELL by this yo-yo cycle.  (I've done it (lost and gained 50+ pounds) probably 6 times since I had my kids).  I am so uncomfortable in my own skin.  I feel like everyone is looking at me and judging me and I just feel fat and disgusting.  :(

Moving forward... I have decided to join a gym with my boyfriend.  We signed a 1-year contract, and it's $75.00 a month so I better get my ass in gear and get my money's worth!  I have also re-downloaded the myfitnesspal app, and have been counting calories.  So I'm getting ready for big changes, taking baby steps.  I can't wait to jump in head-first and do this...and see results.  And hopefully feel accomplished and be happy with myself for once.  That's all I want, is to be happy with me.